Kindness

Is it overstating the obvious to say, that for love to be present, there must also be a sense of genuinely friendly goodwill? Or is it a powerful reminder that a whole lot of stuff that tends to accompany love (jealousy, attachment, control, resentment) is actually not love at all? Just look - you can feel it, can't you? The difference between offering kindness and acting out of something else that may feel just as real as (or maybe more real that) love? 

I think of this foundational aspect of love as an invitation back to a sort of home base where we find and offer a simple wish for being well, safe, happy and healthy to our beloved. It is the oxygen that lets love breathe and flourish. It is the fertile soil in which love can actually grow. Without it, it's nearly impossible to speak or act in a loving, caring, supportive way. 

Simple? Yes. But its not so easy! We can all recall times, probably quite recently, where this foundation went missing along with a felt sense of love. It happens all the time! Not because we DON'T love (and want to love) our person (pet, world), but because, like any object of attention, it's SO EASY to loose track of basic friendliness. Powerful impulses direct us elsewhere and otherwise... impulses of insecurity, impatience, fear, etc. are a magnet to our compass that cause us to temporarily loose true north. It's inevitable. 

So what to do? Well, it's me you're hearing from, so you probably know what I'm going to say: PRACTICE. 

Really? Can I practice loving kindness, friendliness, Metta? YES. It is something that can be cultivated with both formal and informal practice. 

START HERE - with a 20m formal practice recording to get a feel for what the practice feels like. 

And then, if you are so moved... experiment out there in the wild. Take the practice to the grocery store with you, take it out to dinner with your spouse, take it in the car with your kids. Notice when something other than a genuine wish for wellbeing, safety, health and happiness is present and see if you can shift. I do this all the time - the moment I (notice) that I feel impatient, resentful, fearful, I see if I can shift to kindness - often first for my self and then for whomever else is around. I can't always, but a lot of times I can and it is beyond miraculous when I do. 

Explore this week - feel free to send me an email sharing your experience and I will write back to you! 

Next week, we will look at what happens when you bring loving kindness and friendliness to suffering: (self) Compassion. 

Love, Colette