Are Your Goals Stressing You Out?

SMART Goals are not the only way to make progress

When there is a well defined, straightforward "something" we want to achieve, setting a Goal and then breaking it down into manageable steps can make a lot of sense and be very helpful. That is to say, when there is a map, it's a good idea to follow it. 

FOLLOWING THE MAP

For example, I have set the goal of becoming a Board Certified Health Coach. This is an unambiguous goal, and there are straightforward steps to take to get there: study, gather some documents, fill out an application, show up on the test date and pay some money. "All" there is to do is follow the map.

Now, there may be internal resistance or external barriers that hinder my willingness or capacity to move through this process, but what there is to do is clear and it's the same for pretty much anyone who wants to become a Nationally Board Certified Health Coach. 

WHEN THERE IS NO MAP

But the truth is, most people come to coaching with far more ambiguous, personal and often illusive goals: eat better, feel better, experience more peace and ease, be less reactive, etc. 

Take "I want to sleep better" for example. What does "sleep better mean": More hours, less waking up, more consistency, more deep sleep, or something else? The answer will be different for everyone. And how do we start to move towards "better sleep": turn off the computer an hour before bedtime, meditate every morning, take medication, quit that stressful job, reframe your thoughts around sleep... or something else?

No matter what any one tells you, there is no single "proven strategy" for getting better sleep (or so many other things!). There is no clear and straightforward set of steps into which you can force your relationship with sleep that will "guarantee that you will sleep better in just 4 weeks". 

When the destination and the path are ambiguous and full of uncertainty, it doesn't really serve us to impose a rigid timeline and set of steps or expect ourselves to "be consistent" so that we "get there". The demand that we know what will work when the territory has yet to be explored is asking for trouble.

When neither the destination nor the path are clear, we need a new approach - one that embraces the ambiguity and uncertainty inherent in reaching a goal like "I want to sleep better". When there is NO MAP, we need to chart a course. 

CHARTING A COURSE

When the next step is uncertain, ambiguous and unclear - it's very hard to take the next step. What if it doesn't work? What if it makes things worse? 

That doesn't mean there isn't a way to move forward. There is, and it starts with a shift in perspective

• From Rigid and Linear to Flexible and Iterative

• From Certain and Perfectionistic to Curious and Investigative

• From Outcome Focused to Process Focused

• From Goals to Trials  

Phase 1: Inquiry

In phase 1, we get grounded in everything we know about the situation as it is right now. This gives us solid ground to stand on.

And then we take a look around for potential immediate next steps - the way you might stand in front of a stream looking for the next stable place to step forward that won't get you wet up to your knees or a trip to the emergency room

Here's How:  

• Notice what's already happening. Suspend judgement, get honest and write it down. This is Data Collection, the information you need to take the next, best step in the direction you're aiming.

• Ask yourself what adjustments or changes you might make. What might you try, add or delete from what's already happening that you think might make a difference. Don't censor yourself!

• Speculate on some immediate next steps, based on what's already happening and what you might try, formulate a possibility in the form of a "What if..." question. What if I go to bed an hour earlier? What if I read for 30m before I try to go to sleep. 

Phase 2: Conduct a Trial 

Once we've identified a few potential immediate steps forward, we choose and commit to one, try it for a period of time, see how it goes and determine whether it's worth committing to or whether we need to try something else.

Imagine standing in front of that stream again, picking what seems to be the next most promising place to step forward and giving it a little push just to see whether or not it is a reliable place to put all of your weight to swing you forward.

A trial is exactly that! You choose what you will do and for how long. No need to commit to the rest of your life, you're just going to see what moves you in the right direction - which you can't possibly know until you try. 

A good Trial is:

• Thoughtful - chosen after carefully completing the inquiry phase

• Implementable - something you are willing and able to do with your current resources - something you can start today.

• Repeatable - and simple - something you can do every day or every week. 

• Checkable - something you either DO or NOT. 

Your Trial will look like this: 

I will [Action] with [frequency] for [x days/weeks]

Instead of saying "I will sleep 8 hours a night", you might say:

I will stay off all screens 30m before bed every night for 2 weeks. 

Phase 3: Implement and Record 

During the trial period, track what happens, go back to Inquiry and notice what, if anything changes. Observe closely and record exactly what happens, no judgement. This is a trial and ALL information (what "works" and what "does not work" is equally valuable) 

Phase 4: Iterate

When you come to the end of the trial, you will have NEW INFORMATION about what works and what doesn't and how much. No more guessing! You have gained (some) certainty and clarity and can now choose whether to work on continuing this new action, choosing a new action to test or both! 

Happy trials! 

Love, 

Colette

*PS - this post was inspired by the brilliant book - "Tiny Experiments" by Anne Laure Le-Cunff